Love after Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life. —Derek Walcott
Day one: She found herself looking in the mirror, deeply searching, listening for thoughts deeper than her own, trying hear what the Universe thinks about her. Green eyes returning the gaze, nothing heard, felt or seen, .... Absolute silence!
Day two: Back to the mirror, looking deeply for the reflection of unconditional love, listening for the voice of the spirit within only to be met with an iron-curtain of disappointing stillness!
Day three: Back to the mirror, with more intention and purpose, looking for cues of love. Soundlessness was her payment!
Day four: Believing with persistence she would eventually hear the thoughts of the Universe, with hopeful expectation she peered into the mirror, waiting.... hoping... but only the thoughts of shame, guilt and a deep really deep sense that no one out there loved her. In absolute frustration, dejection and anger she walked away from the mirror, feeling alone in the Universe. She had to make it on her own, no one would rescue her!
How does one live a life with no hope. How does one cope when one feels so very much alone. The stars cease shining brightly, dullness is your constant companion. Everyday she places one foot in front of the other and chooses to walk through life because there is no other viable option. A life without hope!
One night she had a dream....
The doors of her house were wide open, in filtered music that stirred her soul, a deep yearning to follow the music. To be joined in the sound, she followed the harmonies, floating out the door, down the overgrown path to a gate, as she put out her hand she noticed the gate was securely lock by a massive padlock. She ran back to the house begging someone to take her to the music. The music kept calling. They sped down the road, the driveway appeared. The music grew louder, as they entered the driveway only to find there was not a parking space insight. A kind lady knocked on the window, smilingly said, "Don't worry, be patient, you will find the perfect spot". She was desperate to get out of the car and run to the space were the music was playing, but out of gratefulness she didn't want to be rude and waited and waited. Eventually they decided there was no space to park. She pleaded, "Can I get out and stay?" Agreements were made, excitedly she climbed out the car. Moving in anticipation to the spot where the sound was calling, finding a place to settle for the day. Emptying her pockets, shock and horror, she had the partner's car key in her pocket! Panic set in, music forgotten, she ran to the car, only to have the car speeding off, in frantic concern she ran after the car. As the franticness of the moment intensified she ran down the road as fast as she could, she saw a tree fall on a passing car, concern changed to fear that the car needed a key, she ran off without helping the person in need. The music was gone; disappointment and resentment remained. What was this saying to her?
She is so concerned about the happiness and comfort of others but more telling of all was her willingness to not follow her spiritual path that she would step away from her journey just to keep everyone happy.
"I came upon, what I call, the axial moment in which our most intimate experience of who we are turns as on a hidden axis of love, down through the pain, into a qualitatively richer, more vulnerable place. It is in the midst of this turning that we discover the qualitatively richer, more vulnerable place is actually the abyss-like, loving presence of God, welling up and giving itself in and as the intimate interior of our healing journey"-James Finley
In deeper discovery and questioning the dream, the veil fell from her face, the tipping point happened when she had the courage to accept that the Universe accepted her, that love surrounded her. It was coming to a place where she accepted her brokenness, her programming and decided to look for her "Being". Who she really was..... was .... love, with love giving her everything she needed to navigate her past life and future life.
When ego leaves, truth can be seen.
Again she found herself peering into the mirror, but this time the exercise was very, very different, she didn't look to listen for the universe, she looked to listen to her Being, standing staring at the green eyes staring back at her, she smiled at herself, really smiled at herself, and as she gazed transfixed at the Being she saw before her, not saying a thing, not asking for anything, just being present in the moment without judgement.... she saw the little girl in herself, and poured out love, kindness, compassion and understanding, to her whole Being. There was no longer any need to look outside herself for validation, love or praise. She could say to her whole-self, "I hear you, I see you" and "I love you". Precious loving attention to her Being, promises everyday miracles to be discovered.