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Join date: May 17, 2021

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The single most important thing in my life is my family. I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, a brother and a cousin. My relationship with my family, being part of them, caring for them and them caring for me and one another is the pinnacle of the expression of God’s life in me. I have no other mission and purpose greater than that. It is the place where I am known without any attempted cosmetic improvements and consequently the place of greatest accountability, honesty and growth. Also, the place of experiencing and growing into reciprocal love in the most authentic way. All other relationships are a function of this one.


I am a third-generation preacher’s kid. I therefore quite literally grew up under the pews. One of the positive spin-offs for me was that I could not deny the reality of God’s existence. That turned out to be a beholding foundation for me. At the same time, and unfortunately, my experience in organised religion led to me to end up with a toxic fear of a faceless and unapproachable god. I spent my days trying to please him and escape his wrath until I threw in the towel.


By His grace all of this changed for me over the years, and I could begin to discard my false notions and be on a journey where I could progressively embrace the truth of being Papa’s beloved son, my Elder Brother’s younger brother and the object of the nurturing love of my Paraclete, the Holy Spirit. In fact, a worthy part of the dance within the Trinity, the household of God. This has had the wonderful result of me now looking at the whole of humanity as my brothers and sisters whom God loves in the same way as He loves me and whom He wants to embrace likewise.


From an existential point of view, I would describe myself as a pilgrim. I would not always have said that about myself simply because by nature I am distinctly uncomfortable with unanswered questions. I wanted to “arrive” at a destination, a place that I could understand and articulate on my terms. I needed a definable goal against which I could measure my progress. To put it simply and honestly, I needed to be in control of my life and my walk with God although I would have denied it if I was asked the question. Now I am learning to be at peace in relating to the mystery that is God and surrender to the journey on which I am, one where His love found me and continues to find me.

 

Johan Toit

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